BOISE, ID – Longtime Idaho Senator Chuck Winder has decided enough is enough and has decided to come “out of the closet.” 

The Idaho Pea has discovered that when he’s not on the Senate floor, Sen. Winder spends much of his time in a little known and unused broom closet on the second floor of the Capitol.  “I love the privacy it affords me,” he says. “There, I can read all these cute children’s books with the graphic illustrations and ignore the voices of those mischievous conservatives at the same time.”

When pressed, Winder admitted that he kept different outfits in the closet because they were private to him and he didn’t want them in public view. “I’d just try them on just by myself and perform little interpretive dances to Broadway show tunes.” 

Winder revealed that he set up different areas in his closet. “To keep things organized, I used four corners of that closet for four different things: hair, makeup, clothing and shoes!”  Indeed, after inspecting the closet, the Capitol’s janitorial staff found each of the four areas fully outfitted with wigs, hairspray, foundation, rouge, strategic padding, gowns and several dozen pairs of shoes.  

After successfully defending against a bill which would have outlawed pornography aimed at children in libraries, and another prohibiting young children from obtaining sexual reassignment surgery, Senator Winder decided to “come out of the closet,” as it were. When the 2022 Legislative session concluded, Winder stood up with pride, saying, “I am coming out of the closet and will go into the libraries!” He then described his plan. “This summer I plan to wear my best taffeta and patent leather high heels while I read one of my favorite books for preschoolers, ‘Heather Has Two Mommies.’”

When asked if preschoolers should be exposed to this kind of content, Winder covered his ears and did a strange dance while singing, “La La La La!”

When Governor Little was asked if he knew about Winder using a 2nd-floor closet, Little said it was not government’s job to interfere with private business. From there, he went to negotiate a huge tax break for Facebook’s parent company, Meta, so they could move part of their operations to Kuna.