CALDWELL, ID – Following her legislative proposal that would have prohibited protesting in Idaho, retiring Idaho State Senator Patti Anne Lodge today announced her desire for a future bill that would outlaw the pursuit of happiness.
When asked about her motivation for wanting such a bill, Lodge replied, “Like most of my close colleagues, I like creating laws that give more power to the state.”
Lodge then explained her inspiration for the law she wishes she’d written before announcing her retirement. “One day I stumbled on a little booklet that was titled ‘The Constitution.’ When I picked it up, someone told me it was written by old white slave owners. I was aghast. I said to myself, ‘Well, Patti Anne, we can’t have any of that!’”
Men are all predators, and we need to stop them from pursuing ANYTHING!
— Patti Anne Lodge, Retiring State Senator
“As I skimmed through the booklet, I found this section called – um, a declaration, or something like that. That section said men were pursuing happiness! I read that and thought, ‘NO! None of the men I know can have any of that!’ Besides, men are all predators and we need to stop them from pursuing ANYTHING!” Lodge stomped her foot during that last word for emphasis.
Even though Lodge is finally ending her 75-year stint as a State Senator, she says doesn’t plan to stop working at the state capitol. “There are lots of special interests,” Lodge explained, “and I still have lots of friends in the State Legislature who are willing to do my bidding. I might be giving up a paycheck for being at the Statehouse, but I sure as heck won’t give up my power and influence.”
Lodge said she plans to read the little booklet further to look for ideas for other laws that will build up the power of the state. “I’m sure I will find lots of other things to make laws against. After all, giving men the right to seek happiness? I shudder to think what other ridiculous things I will find in there!”