EAST HANOVER, NJ – Nabisco, makers of the Oreo cookie, apologized today to all unicorns and children who watched the Rainbow Brite TV series or owned the dolls for appropriating their culture by picturing an Oreo cookie in the past with rainbow colors. Nabisco said their intention was simply to honor Pride Month.
Nabisco also apologized to black and white mixed race couples for the obvious appropriation of their truth. The apology also addressed the popular cookie’s name, Oreo, which they acknowledged is offensive and has been used to denigrate and disenfranchise blacks and mixed-race couples.
At a press conference, Nabisco announced that their famous cookies will no longer be known as “the O-word” but as, “Chocolate flavored sandwich cookie with vanilla icing.”
Upon hearing the new name, people attending the press conference reacted negatively by informing the company that the words “chocolate” and “vanilla” were also considered racial slurs. After an impromptu meeting, the makers of “the O-word” announced that out of respect for those who felt offended, they would refer to their product only as a “cookie.”
On hearing this news, one man present declared that he was a truck stop cook, and was deeply offended by the new name. Not wishing to offend, the makers conferred again, this time settling on, “Wheat-based and frosting-filled dessert snack.”
One hour after this announcement, a class action lawsuit was announced by the gluten-intolerant saying that the new name is offensive and insensitive, and that they intended on contacting diabetics to join them in the lawsuit.