BOISE, ID – Brad Little signaled today that he is strongly considering another lockdown of the state. “Out of an abundance of caution, I am considering the declaration of a state of emergency to address a potential zombie pandemic,” said Little, through a black cotton mask.
Although another lockdown may prove economically devastating to small businesses, Little added, “If it saves just one life, it will be worth it and if it doesn’t, I’m told it’ll be worth it to me.”
When asked if there are any cases of the zombie virus reported in Idaho, Little replied, “A lack of cases didn’t stop me from declaring a state of emergency with COVID, and it won’t stop me this time either.”
The lockdown would affect all state residents except those serving in the Executive Branch and their friends.
When asked if he consulted with the Lt. Governor prior to making any decision, Little replied, “The Lt. Governor’s name isn’t Klaus Schwab, so of course not.”
At this time there are no reported zombie virus cases in the United States, or for that matter, anywhere in the world. Should cases materialize, the CDC and FEMA suggest that people social distance from any and all zombies which may be encountered. The National Institutes for Health stated that any Zombie Restrictions put in place would be only for 15 days at a time to slow the spread, or 15 months, or maybe more.
Boise Mayor Lauren McLean said that when Little’s state of emergency is declared, she will require full-facial masking for all persons along with all zombies that are within the city’s borders. “This time, I promise you, the masks will work.” McLean said. “And Zombo-Americans of all genders will also have to comply.”
The Mayor added that those not in compliance will get sharp looks and rough words from their neighborhood HOAs and from all women named Karen.
Dr. Anthony Fauci, head of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Disease, is rumored to have been working on a vaccine to the zombie virus, which he plans on calling Zombificol. However, like all of the NIAID vaccines, Fauci doesn’t plan on producing any randomized controlled trials proving Zombificol’s efficacy. When asked about this, Fauci dismissively stated that if the new vaccine doesn’t work as planned, he’ll go back to mandating Remdesivir, which has always proven profitable for him.