BOISE, ID – Brad Little made the bombshell announcement today that he is dropping out of the Governor’s race – and from politics altogether – to pursue a position he holds in higher esteem than the Governorship.
That position is best described by the soon-to-be ex-Governor in his own words. “I am leaving politics effective immediately to become the Head Ball-Holder for the Jerome Little League Tigers.”
Little explained that he is not going to be a coach or even a mentor. “I’m not qualified for any of that,” he explained. “I know less about baseball than I do about being Governor, and that’s not much. But what I do know about is holding balls. I know how to feel them in between my fingers and handle them just so. Not too firm, and not too loose.” Little cupped his hands as if to simulate gingerly holding a ball in each hand. “I love the feel of balls in my hands.”
I’m a stickler for good ball hygiene.
— Brad Little, Retiring Governor of Idaho
Among his duties as head ball-holder for the league will be to make sure that each ball passes his strict guidelines for cleanliness, condition and hygiene. “I carefully inspect each ball.” Little described the process. “Usually I inspect them in pairs. Two balls are the norm.”
“Condition is important,” continued Little. “If a ball gets a scuff it gets kind of fuzzy, that can have an impact on performance. So when a ball gets too many scuffs, I have a little ball shaver that can take the fuzz right off of those balls and make them smooth as silk.”
Little will guard against dirty balls as well. “I have a ball cleaner in the dugout. I can get those balls so clean you can eat off of them. I’m a stickler for good ball hygiene.”
In addition to making sure the team’s balls are in pristine condition, Little will also clean the bags that the balls are kept in. “Nobody likes dirty ball sacks. “Those things can get rank!” Little will clean and iron them as well. “Smooth ball sacks are the best. I really hate old, wrinkly ball sacks.” he said.
The Idaho Pea wishes Little the best of luck in his new endeavors.