LOS ANGELES, CA – After Pat Benatar announced she will no longer be singing her 1980 classic, “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” out of respect to victims of gun violence, multiple other people and organizations have also announced changes, altering their own iconic elements in solidarity with the singer.
Ozzy Osbourne, former lead singer of the British heavy metal band Black Sabbath, says because black is the color of most AR-15’s, he wants all references to his former band to be “B.S.”
The National Education Association has instituted a new policy that Trigonometry will now be known as “Hard Math.” The nation’s top educators say the former name sounds too much like “trigger.”
Modesto-based Gallo Winery has announced it will no longer age their wine in barrels, for the stated reason that barrels are a gun part.
Microsoft says their products will no longer have “bullet points.” They will now be called “emphasis dots.”
Amazon has also gotten involved. The company directed all of its sellers to no longer refer to inventory as “stock,” since a stock is part of a gun. A source who wished to remain nameless told the Idaho Pea that top executives at Amazon are considering no longer carrying any items at all, because the company must ship all sales to customers, and Naval ships have big guns.
Target announced that because of its overall branding, they would be closing all of their stores. The company’s director of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion said the company decided to keep their transgender bathrooms open to the public, but they would drop the iconic logo and replace it with a “question mark” logo.